Life is one big roller coaster ride for me. Ever since I gazed at the horizon and looked what is installed for me by the Almighty, it has been a major modification.
As I stepped into the U.S soil, I left my old life and began anew. It is difficult for me because I found it hard to leave my friends and close family members. Yet, I can go on because I knew I can begin again. I will have the chance to leave what has been, and create what is about to be. My only thought is that this is a journey to be completed.... only that it is like those carts starting to roll towards the end of your ride, which is actually the beginning. My journey will reached its conclusion when I set foot in my roots again in a more permanent manner.
Sometimes, things are going up the rail. We would have fun here: going out, exploring new places, and eating super-sized food my companions and I can hardly finish. However, naturally as the cart progressed, the rail goes down again. Things happened. Negativeness arises with vengeance for the happier times. Even though my family and I are humbled by our present circumstances, still there is a lump in my throat every time I think we are helpless and dependent in my Aunt and Uncle's generosity for our survival. I feel trapped, and so are my nuclear family members. On one hand, I DO NOT wish to return defeated and broken down like a used car. On the other side, I am powerless to do anything as of the moment. I do not have the ways and means to stand on my own two little feet. There is no other option but to continue and let the current flow take me wherever it may go. I do wonder where.
Well, wherever that may be, I will make sure it is a better place than now. It's not that am complaining of the generosity given by my extended relatives. They are kind enough by providing a cushion for us to fall into because we need it for the moment. However, it is very different when someone is in charge of oneself. One great advantage is no one will try to tell you what to do and when to do it (and sometimes how to do it). Sometimes it is just fun to mess around and pretend you don't know, so they get to do the work that way. :-) My grandma fondly does that. Her interference brings wise advises sometimes, but I can never graciously receive it because of the way she convey her point. Ahh well, I am complaining!
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